Post-Halloween Halloween post

November 9, 2018, 7:02 am

≫ Next: Behind the rose tinted.

≪ Previous: Lego Marvel Super Heroes 2: A Review

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Every year as summer sings its swan song, the plants are subjected to a little bit more frost each day and their tissues burst and decay as they turn brown and mulchy, and we like to celebrate by watching films depicting topless teens getting hacked into little pieces.

Alternatively for the past few years I have made an effort to try and play horror/Halloween style games.

A couple of years ago I played through the Old Ghostbusters game, that one where they had all the original cast and the game itself is basically Ghostbusters 3? You know that one right? Cuz if you don't and you are a fan of the original Ghostbusters movies you should totally play it! Its so properly done its amazing that it's not in a hall of fame! It has plenty of call back to the films in the form of collectibles like, Vigo's painting!

And most other years I do a playthrough of Ghostmaster. Which honestly I am surprised I have not talked at length about on TGAM. Ghostmaster is from 15 years ago (for scale, that is before Smartphones were a thing) it was the sims, except instead of all that tedious character creation and building houses and going to jobs, you collected ghosts and scared the crap out of people! Its old and some of the GFX are dated but it stands the test of time as a unique little gem. (shout out to anyone wanting to make a remake on the mobile!)

This year however I decided to delve in to the depth of my Steam Catalogue to find if I had anything different (mainly because I launched Ghostmaster and had some screen set up issues and couldn't be arsed finding the txt file with the resolutions settings. Yay PC gaming). I found "Layers of Fear" one of these ones I had got free from Humble Bundle or the like. And it was great. The game places you in a house and you have no concept of what is happening, you wander about but the only thing you seem to be able to do is open doors/cupboards/drawers.

Now I will stop us here with a disclaimer, depending on how scared you are by these games, one could argue that this game is a "Door opening simulator", this may or may not float your boat. As you wander through the house and collect items things get stranger, the layout of the house completely shifts, you are surrounded by "jump-scares" its shifts between varying degrees of decay. All great horror trope stuff. the object of the game is to collect items that will contribute to your painting which you return to six times and it develops as you perform certain actions in the game.

Its very short but "pretty", fun, scary and good. Definitely got my monies worth.

Love and camp crystal lake machete appreciation society,

Richie X

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Behind the rose tinted.

November 16, 2018, 6:31 am

≫ Next: Pokémon Let's Go (Back to Kanto again)

≪ Previous: Post-Halloween Halloween post

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Dear Diary,

Last night I dreamed of World of Warcraft: classic. I dreamed I fired up my old account and ventured again into WoW at level 60.

I dreamed of Hunters with mana.
I dreamed of saving gold to level skills.
I dreamed of running out of quests at lvl 40.
I dreamed of buying reagents to cast spells.
I dreamed of sitting down for to drink the water you just conjured to replenish the mana you just spent on the conjuring the water.
I dreamed of senseless Alterac Valley.
I dreamed of waiting for Zeppelins.
I dreamed of no navigation.
I dreamed of escort quests, and enevitable ganks.
I dreamed of corpse crawling.
I dreamed of General: LFG 1x Tank 2x DPS
I dreamed of Buying bag space

If World of Warcraft is a feeling, then as the Red hot Chilli pepper once said "I dont wanna feel like I did that day"

#Apt

Love and I'll probably play it anyway,
Richie X

Pokémon Let's Go (Back to Kanto again)

November 19, 2018, 1:28 pm

≫ Next: Incoming Signal

≪ Previous: Behind the rose tinted.

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Minor content spoilers ahead, major if you've somehow managed to avoid one of the most rereleased games of all time

For veterans like us, Pokémon Let's Go is our fifth tour of Kanto starting with Pokémon Blue and Pokémon Red in 1999 then returning to a future version of Kanto in 2001's Silver and Gold, then a redux/remix with 2004's Fire Red and Leaf Green and the last visit to the region with 2010's SoulSilver and HeartGold. We've been there, done that. Got the T-shirt, medals, badges, magnets and pokéballs to show for it. So what does Pokémon Let's Go Pikachu and Pokémon Let's Go Eevee add to the well worn roads and highways of the game that kicked it all off?

Silver lining an all that

The answer is strangely, not nearly enough. If like us, you've followed the Pokémon games for a while, there is something satisfying in seeing the evolution (no pun intended) of ideas across the games. Pay close enough attention and the best elements from almost every game, including some of the spin offs, can be traced from game to game in the series. If it wasn't obvious from the name of the game, Pokémon Let's Go aims to bring a bit of the trash fire that is Pokémon Go to the series and, I dunno, perhaps try to convert some 'players' of the problematic app. to the mainline games. Maybe.

Here there's the catching mechanics from Go, then the partner pokémon fondling from Hey You Pikachu!, Pokémon Channel and Pokémon-Amie from recent DS/3DS games. Thrown in with that are pedometer elements from HeartGold and SoulSilver's Pokéwalker and the much loved feature from the same games where a buddy pokémon follows you around in the field. In the post Elite 4 end game there's a smattering of open world exploration that Alpha Sapphire and Omega Ruby brought to the series. The Go connectivity in the form of the Go Park has obvious parallels with non-game My Pokémon Ranch and the painstaking Pal Park in HeartGold and SoulSilver as well as building on the series' hallmark or inter connectivity between games.

New features include being able to see pokémon wandering around in the field (probably the most requested feature since the original games) instead of the ageing random battles from before and the turn based battling is reserved for battles against opposing trainers, encounters with wild pokémon now trigger a catching game almost straight from the Go app.

I promise you, this never got old.

So you'd think that Pokémon Let's Go would be even better than the sum of its parts and with 22 years of making this game you'd expect it to be a world away from the originals. Combine that with being able to play it on the television like a proper gaming experience and exclusivity on current-darling-of-the-console-world-didn't-we-play-all-these-games-on-the-Wii-U Nintendo Switch. What could go wrong?

Let's Go is generally just less fussy than previous mainline Pokémon games. Just 153 of the titular monsters are in this one including the original 151 and two newcomers to the series. From start to beating the Elite Four is about 20 hours of gameplay. There's much less inventory management and running back to Pokémon centres to heal now that battling is reserved just for trainers. There's also something about the big screen treatment without the perpetual interruption of random battles that makes what was tedious treks through long winding caves like a quick stroll through an underpass. There's no longer any pokémon you only have one chance to catch, the game generously spawning most in the field and even multiple legendary pokémon should you put in the time. Abilities are gone. Item holding is gone. All those contrived evolution methods have gone. Breeding is out. Online battling and trading is striped back. Z moves have gone. Day/Night cycles and time based events are largely gone too. There is some depth when it comes to training but it's significantly pared back. Part of us miss some of these. Part of us is so glad we don't have to do some of this shit anymore.

All these words are just a front to show you these screenshots actually. Nothing changes.

We don't interact much with the wider 'pokémon community' because it's more toxic than a Salazzle holding a toxic orb but we imagine that there's been widespread whingeing about it being Pokémon but dumbed down if such a thing was possible (we kid, of course, it takes at least a degree's worth of knowledge to breed that perfect nature, perfect IV, shiny competitive pokémon with an egg move)  God forbid the series be accessible to those who haven't been slavishly playing  this game for the last two decades.

Unfortunately, however, these hypothetical critics might be right. With all the modern trappings it's pretty much a straight remake of the original game making only the slightest of nods to the other 5,000 games in the series and not borrowing liberally enough from the best of them to make the 'end game' content engaging. Even the worst of the 'story' in Pokémon Red/Blue remains largely unchanged including the bit where you go back and forth between Lavender, Celadon, Saffron, Pewter and Cerulean cities. Cubone's mum is still dead. Dentures still need to be found. The guards are still gasping for a drink. The sleeping Pokémon are still blocking the roads.

Animation-wise we literally had flashbacks of Pokémon Stadium on the N64. Pokémon still jump on the spot to represent moves or turn into silver, green or purple sausages for moves like iron tail, wrap and power whip. Some pokémon have gorgeous models and others really quite bad (in particular Gloom looks like its N64 model from some angles). In this day and age and with a trimmed down cast (okay by the time you throw in gender differences and forms it's more than just 153 models) is it unrealistic to expect more than two models awkwardly doing moves on the spot, with crude animations representing contact? I'll answer that. It isn't.

It's also incredibly easy if you want it to be. Your partner Pokémon learns some fairly broken moves early on that allows you to waltz through all but the hardest of type match ups. With a second Joy-Con a second player can jump in and basically 2v1 every trainer in the game without any kind of difficulty scaling whatsoever.

I don't remember quite so much prolapse talk in the original but it has been a while

Pokéball Negative
If this latest addition to the series is supposedly to be more of an entry level gateway to the sprawling world of Pokémon then there's one thing that is the opposite to a concession to beginners and that's the control options. Pokémon Let's Go is played differently in handheld switch mode, docked mode and it's arguably slightly different again if you forked out for the Pokéball Plus- yet another potential one game use bit of plastic for the pile alongside the GBA wifi accessory, the typing game keyboard, the pokewalker, the Detective Pikachu amiibo, the N64 microphone, the...

Choose the form of your destructor. Waggle left, waggle right, hand cramp or JUST CHOOSE THE LAST ONE FOR GOD'S SAKE

Each control method has plusles and minuns. By far the best way to play this is in handheld Switch mode with the full suite of buttons and a bit of gyroscope control for the catching minigame. The downside being that you don't get to play on a large screen this way. In docked mode, the game can be played with a single Joy-Con controller, however controlled this way forces the use of motion controls. For most things it's a case of a quick shake but there are some real issues with the catching mode using the joycon that bring back memories of some of the worst waggle offenders on the Wii. Unless I missed something about the controls unlike in handheld mode, it's impossible to pan the catching screen and the motion controlled aiming fails when you're not throwing in the middle of the screen. At its very worst you miss catching some pokémon as they wobble, hop and jump about through no fault of your own. It's almost enough to want the turn based catching back. I spent a fair portion of Sunday morning flailing at the TV and shouting "shitting Electrode" as the tenth ultra ball in a row heads off the left side of the screen. Problems with catching pokémon in a pokémon game is, well. A problem.

Motion controls seem to be a bit better with the Pokéball Plus, however, the golf ball-sized controller only has three inputs. Shaking the ball functions as a button in the menus (judging from Reddit threads about this accessory, this is really not clear to a lot of players) in addition to poking, prodding and stroking the titular partner pokémon. 'B', more often than not 'cancel' is a soft button inside the top of the ball but most frustrating is 'A', the button you press about 10,000 times an hour in this game. It's a stick click input that for most will sit under the thumb. So, unless you have Trump hands, playing for any length of time with the Pokéball Plus will leave you with a claw hand, the likes of which have not been seen since Kid Icarus: Uprising. RSI aside, what's the most baffling about this controller is that with only three inputs on the ball, you can't access some of the menu options and you can't quickly go to the Switch home menu without connecting a Joycon at the same time.

You get the best outfit quite early on. Don't @ me

Pokéball Plus also works like the Pokéwalker from SoulSilver and HeartGold so you can pop one of your pokémon in it and take it on a stroll for items and experience. On top of this, it also works with Pokémon Go and there's added functionality of connecting it to Go with a Let's Go friend inside. When carrying a pokémon and/or connected to Go vibrations, coloured LEDs and noises communicate what's going on. The absolute killer problem with all of this is none of it's explained anywhere and it's easy to run into problems if you've got the app and game on at the same time as the Pokéball Plus is fussy about what it connects to and when. We've now got our heads around what the noises, colours and sounds mean in specific instances but occasionally it still shits itself when connected to Go until both phone and ball are disconnected, closed and reconnected. It's unusual for Nintendo to have released something that's not polished to the nth degree but with Niantic, the undisputed kings of tripping over their own dicks, expect to spend some time puzzling over the Niantic dilemma (is it working, but shit, not working properly or just broken). A decent tutorial or even documentation on either Let's Go, Go or the Pokéball Plus website would help. Typically, games media are falling over themselves to create high click pages on this accessory but none of them give any needed detail.

Poor old Hiker Nob. Bullied through school. Bullied at the Hiker's club then beaten by a Pidgeotto I kinda accidentally trained.

Made It Through Without a XXXX 'em All 'Gag'
Overall, it's a tough recommendation really. If you're a fan of this series you could like it for the fan service features or hate it for stripping back the core mechanics. Equally you could admire it for the respect of the source material or hate it for being so easy. If you just love the adorable creatures then you may just have a blast hanging out with some of your first generation favourites and fondling a Pikachu for giggles. If you're a newcomer then the 1996 'story' and progression feels so out of touch with what modern RPGs are doing you might question what all the hype is/was about. If you're a Pokémon Go fan then, well watching the automatic doors open and close at ASDA will probably get your game of the year nomination in any case.

As a long time fan of the series, it's great to see Kanto in such vibrancy and on the big screen we barely remember travesties Pokémon Colloseum and Pokémon XD. The rearrangements of the classic tunes through proper speakers is a real joy and the all too rare 'cutscenes' bring to life what was once imagined from pixels and chiptunes. We've come away from the game with an SD card full of screenshots and a temptation to tackle some, if not all, of the Master Trainers which will likely tide us over until the next 'proper' game is out on the Switch.

It also has Omastar in it so 10/10 game of the year.

Incoming Signal

December 10, 2018, 7:36 am

≫ Next: 2018 Dead, Good riddance

≪ Previous: Pokémon Let's Go (Back to Kanto again)

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INSIDE SCENE

A SMALL SCIENCE SPACE CRAFT FLOATING THROUGH THE VOID. From some general disarray and darkness it’s clear that this small craft is abandoned. The only light is that coming from the Sun’s reflections of Earth and starlight through the small viewing windows and portholes throughout. Varying shots establish that it’s been some time since it’s been lived in.

A shot through one of the windows with a view of Earth shows what is clearly North America, however there is a gigantic circular crater on the East coast, indicating something happened.

Unexpectedly. Some of the machinery whirs into life like that scene from Aliens. You know the one. Various lights flash and static emits from a speaker. The signal, starts semi audible and begins to improve. It’s clear that its human speech before words can be heard.

SPEAKER: …..ember…. cool……egular

[SPEAKER CLICKS OFF]

[SPEAKER RINGS THEN CLICKS ON]

SPEAKER:…ember… uper cool… ifferent from regular….. entage of all

[SPEAKER CLICKS OFF]

[SPEAKER RINGS THEN CLICKS ON]

SPEAKER ...emember my super cool Rattata? My Rattata is different from regular Rattata. It’s like my Rattata is in the top percentage of all Rattata.

[SPEAKER CLICKS OFF]

[SPEAKER RINGS THEN CLICKS ON]

SPEAKER [Clearly now] Remember my super cool Rattata? My Rattata is different from regular Rattata. It’s like my Rattata is in the top percentage of all Rattata.

[FLASHCUT TO BLACK]

2018 Dead, Good riddance

January 3, 2019, 5:24 am

≫ Next: THE DEFINITIVE BARRY BURTONS RANKED

≪ Previous: Incoming Signal

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Hi guys,


Another year has gone by, and we out-did our productivity from the previous year by one whole post!
Which I'm sure on a chart somewhere we could spin into some kind of TGAM Renaissance.

This year we are turning 13 which is, I'm sure, a milestone for many bloggers. Is blogging still a thing? We have seen so many die...


Last year we made some bold statements, did we follow through on them?

• More "reviews", this year we are going to enter the world of steam curators. Expect more obscure and awkward scoring systems.

Um well we actually did do some reviews, and at least one of them was current. and we genuinely became a steam curator, Steam expect more questionable creepy anime games to pop up on that one!

• Sex sells, as does Cephalopods. Due to our dulling imaginations we will do sequels to our most "successful" posts (Boobs, Nude Cheats, and Omastar, see below).

Kinna, we did reference our old stuff on DMC4, but it was sad to watch.

• Lists (meta).

Nope

• Dollies! Yeah, turns out Cunzy and I like to take pictures of out dollies and we may just make TGAM a platform for these pix.

Yeah took some pics of a transformer all very pretty, but ultimately not what TGAM is.

• Instagram. Um yeah there is a TGAM instagram, it's not very good. We tried to link it to the blog, and it still wasn't very good. We might pretend we will do something about it, at some point. But likely just let it stagnate as yet another trigger enabling us cry ourselves to sleep at the same time as we contemplate our chronic self-destruction.

Nah, like whats the point in having more than one instagram account, just gets tedious.  

•  A Pokémon post. 

YEAH! here

• Guest bloggers.

Ha, no, like we have any friends! 

• A reference to us as "gamer-girls".

Not in public.


This year we will forgo the lists, we will make some outlandish claims that we will double those posts, and that we have a big "exclusive" and some exciting news about TGAM this year... faith in this/us is optional

P.S. We are playing Smash bros for the first 2 months of this year, so we will do that whole doubling of posts in like Summer or something.

P.P.S. Maining Peach.

Love and where does Peach hide Toad,

Richie X

THE DEFINITIVE BARRY BURTONS RANKED

January 7, 2019, 10:52 am

≫ Next: Smash Bros Ultimate: A review of sorts

≪ Previous: 2018 Dead, Good riddance

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"It's back Barry. It's ruddy back" Said Ron. Yes it's time for the 2019 Barry Burton Rank Off #BBRO where we rank Barry Burtons on a scale from Barried Up To The Hilt to I'll Be The Coat, You Be The Hook Barry. Can't find your favourite Barry on the list? It's a gross oversight from us. We should get fired.

8. Barry is that you Barry?
As seen in: Resident Evil Franchise.
Description: Not all Barry are born equal. We'd rather this Barry just held us and stroked our hair.

7. Flesh Barry
As seen in: Resident Evil Franchise.
Description: The Barry that got our gussets gooey all the way back in 1996. That he's this far down in the list goes to show how Barry some of the Barrys are out there! His blood type is O. M. G.

6. Gai Den Barry?
As seen in: Resident Evil Franchise.
Description: This Barry is blocky. This Barry is bulky. We've got some ideas about that hunk o junk. We'll give you a clue- BURY IT BARRY. BURY IT. 

5. Bangief
As seen in: Resident Evil Franchise.
Description: Not technically a Barry but same energy. How can you deny foot hair that comes out of his boots?

4. Longhead Barry
As seen in: Resident Evil Franchise.
Description: This Barry really brings the straight to TV movie vibe that keeps us up after the kids have gone to bed, if you know what I mean?

3. Skin Barry
As seen in: Resident Evil Franchise.
Description: What's the next best thing if you can't get a Barry in you? Get yourself in a Barry! We'd wear this All. Night. Long.

2. Barry Tidy
As seen in: Resident Evil Franchise.
Description: What has Kathy got that we don't Barry? Did she help with Moira after the shooting? No. Did she blame you for the gun in the house? Probably? We wouldn't. When you're done fooling with that girl, come see some real women Barry. We'll be waiting.

1. Barry Me?
As seen in: Resident Evil Franchise.
Description: Jesus fuck. The gut squeezing between the ammo belts alone has got us shaking at the knees not to mention the flirtatious excess belt flapping about like that. We're dissolving Barry. We're dissolving. Why can't you be real Barry?

That's it for this year's Barry Burton Rank Off #BBRO. Join us next year for some good old family Burton Bashing Barry Ranking. 

Smash Bros Ultimate: A review of sorts

January 8, 2019, 6:30 am

≫ Next: Katamari: Re-roll. Gammon Review

≪ Previous: THE DEFINITIVE BARRY BURTONS RANKED

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You know what guys, I’m not gonna pretend like you haven read a million genuine articles, fan reviews or perused some shouty American youtube channel, about how much of a success Smash Bros is!

By now if you have any interest in Smash, you will have played it, and you will know that it is good. Our option should not hold any weight as to whether you would like to play this or not, if it does hold some sway, please reassess your priorities/life.

So in aging sardonic fashion I would like to accost you with my almost unjustifiable nitpicks, so get your eyeballs round this!

Vault

Major gripe number 1, On the main menu the Vault is inexplicably unselectable without first missing it entirely and either selecting the two surrounding menus or worse, opening the right accordion navigation bar, nothing is more fun!

Touch screen

We are all clear and aware that the switch screen has touch capabilities, but instead of utilising this you are given an actual hand/finger to navigate with, Why? Why is it necessary to do that whole token on a character?

Character Customization

Why is character customization gone. So much potential and so poorly executed in Super Smash Bros WiiU, and now completely gone, I thought Sprits would have been an excellent way to implement this as augments to the moves, but no, no customizing, all gone.

Pokeball plus

What a trick missed, official pokeball plus released with Pikachu/Eevee Lets go… Not usable as a controller.

Well there you have it, as we mentioned this shouldn’t affect your decision to play this game, but what we can hope for is that it may just ruin your enjoyment, just a little bit. It’s all we can live for nowadays, we are embittered, with twisted hearts, we feast on that sinking feeling when reality stifles your fun and desire.

Love and please reassess your priorities/life,

Richie X

P.S. Just Kidding Smash is awesome and you should play the hell out of it, was maining Peach, now maining Corrin (Female pink version). Peace, Love and appropriate hugs to all of you!

Katamari: Re-roll. Gammon Review

January 10, 2019, 2:30 am

≫ Next: Nintendo Switch Online NES Games: Shag, Marry or Push off a Cliff

≪ Previous: Smash Bros Ultimate: A review of sorts

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Dear Snowflakes,

What is your fucking problem, pie and mash not good enough for you, why don’t you go and have a word with yourself before I anti-vax your Pain au Chocolat! Yeah that’s right jog on before you do yourself a culturally appropriated mischief, innit.

You think the fucking King of all Cosmos is watching the latest fucking lecture from Dr Who on woke culture? Nah m8, he’s putting his boys out on the front line, gettin ‘em learning the family trade and any of you muggy cunts out there sipping on gender fluid organic cruelty free soy lattes, who are not doing the same should be ordered to ring the parents of a soldier who has died serving their country in Afghanistan and tell them their reasons.

Brexit means Brexit! Imperial measurements, blue passports, mothers pride bread and tesco value beans, top of the pops and rehashes of games from 2004. Fuck the 350 million to the NHS, I’ll give £16.99 of my hard earned for that privilege! Just the price of a pint of milk innit.

Ingerland 4 the Ingerlish!!!! Remoaning wankers! Wot you not happy about! The game came out 15 years ago and its exactly the same with some HD graphics on it! Wots not to like! Britain stands alone! Ignore those Euromyths spread by the Corbynites, Churchill would have loved this game!

Love and lets use the Switch just to play rehashed of old games only, yeah?,

Gammon (That's the bad guy in Zelda innit?)X

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Nintendo Switch Online NES Games: Shag, Marry or Push off a Cliff

January 11, 2019, 1:00 am

≫ Next: I suppose we should talk about RE2 Remake

≪ Previous: Katamari: Re-roll. Gammon Review

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Last year, Nintendo made the slightly uncontroversial and in line with what competitors have been doing for decades business decision to start charging for the service to play games online with the Nintendo Switch. In order to sweeten the deal somewhat a paid membership gets you access to online play, exclusive offers (such as cosmetics in some games and those stupid but cool but stupid but expensive but worth it NES Switch controllers), sometimes cloud saves and most controversially gives you access to a growing library of NES games playable as long as you're subbed up.

Some vocal gamers, however, did not like this decision at all because they either already own and play the NES games on offer (lies nobody ever intentionally bought Super Dodge Ball let alone played it on the go) or they didn't want the NES games but wouldn't mind free N64 games or SNES games perhaps? Like winged monkeys with neckbeards they took to social media en mass to whine about it. This level of entitlement we've never really understood. We'd love a crème brulée made from Jamie Oliver's own nipple milk topped with gratinated Marilyn Monroe tagnuts, but we're not going to get it from Kamil's Fried Chicken for £1.49. We're going to get dog cock in a pitta because that's what KFC is actually selling. If you don't want to play free NES games for signing up to an online service. Just don't. Just don't and don't tell anybody you didn't want to whilst you aren't. We do admire the optimism of disgruntled gamers STILL responding to every Nintendo Twitter announcement with:

And we're struggling to understand. What's the mentality here? Are they mistaking a regional social media marketing account of a multinational electronics company with the Make A Wish foundation? If they were is that really the wish you want to run with all things considered?

However, the entitled little so and so's do have a point. In a very Nintendo way, not all of the NES games currently on offer are stellar nor does there seem to be a rhyme or reason to the selection of games or the order they are being added. FRET NOT because here's our essential guide with each game either rated: worth a try, all-time stone cold classics or games that should have stayed unplayable.

Adventures of Lolo Play as a face and collect the hearts until the angry skulls run after you. Defend yourself by turning them into bubble gum eggs?
Our verdict: Once we worked out the controls, quite enjoyed this one.

Balloon Fight We feel really sorry for the people out there whose first experience with video games was Balloon Fight because they don't play games anymore. They've avoided them ever since 1986 because this game is about as fun as Joust which everyone knows was not and never will be fun.
Our verdict: Push off a cliff but make sure you pop both balloons first. Just in case.

Baseball Like all sports games if you don't have a [name of team sport] game then this one has you covered. Seriously. They're all the same. Unless it's an American sport in which case it's worse.
Our verdict: Alright if you like this kind of thing.

Donkey Kong You too can pretend to be a sad middle-aged hot sauce salesman and/or professional loser by playing this infuriating game. BUT DAT MUSIC THO.
Our verdict: Good for a quickie in the kitchen every now and then.

Double Dragon Like River City Ransom but good.
Our verdict: That these early games spawned entire genres is sometimes very surprising.

Dr. Mario It's Dr. Mario. There's never a good time not to Dr. Mario. You want to be the one to be out here pretending Dr. Mario ain't all that? Who hurt you in the past?
Our verdict: Marry.

Dr. Mario SP For those not good enough at germing the other germs, a quick skip to a sort of end.
Our verdict: A one night stand only but make sure you play safe because there's no knowing what diseases you might get.

Excitebike If you can tolerate the awful SFX this Drive 'Em Up is mildly challenging.
Our verdict: [HORriFiC EngInE NOiSe].

Ghosts'n Goblins Like Half Minute Hero except that half minute is spent being constantly attacked by enemies which come out of the ground then you die.
Out verdict: We've never gotten past the first screen to be honest.

Gradius Like TwinBee but horizontal. Tough to boot.
Our verdict: Dark Souls but in space.

Gradius SP Made almost playable starting the game powered up until you get hit that is then it's back to buggery.
Our verdict: Bloodborne but in space.

Ice Climber Like QWOP but for jumping upwards and less fun.
Our verdict: Climb up a cliff just to push this off.

Ice Hockey Like all sports games if you don't have a [name of team sport] game then this one has you covered. Seriously. They're all the same.
Our verdict: Alright if you like this kind of thing.

The Legend of Zelda Confession time! This half of TGAM never played this game originally. I assumed from the bits of it I'd been exposed to from WarioWare and both NES Remix games that there was more to this game. There isn't.
Our verdict: It is a secret to everyone that this game is a bit shit.

The Legend of Zelda SP Confession time! This half of TGAM never played this game originally. I assumed from the bits of it I'd been exposed to from WarioWare and both NES Remix that there was more to this game. There isn't.
Our verdict: It is a secret to everyone that this game is a bit shit. Warmed up.

Mario Bros. Before they were super and before jumping in NES games felt nice this is what the Mario brothers did. Flushing giant flies, angry crabs, turtles and ice blocks out of the sewer. For coins.
Our verdict: Fun to co-op but lacks the stamina to really smash your back doors in.

Metroid One of the best retro Metroidvanias ever. Although younger gamers weaned on the mother's milk of Dark Souls and the like might need a pen and paper to draw a map as they go.
Our verdict: Put a chuffing ring on it.

Metroid SP Like the above but super racist against Ridley.
Our verdict: For those who want to feel a big man but just don't have the capacity.

Mighty Bomb Jack Remind us why were jumping on boxes as the mummies turn into coins?
Our verdict: They don't make them like this anymore. Probably for good reason.

NES Open Tournament Golf Like all sports games if you don't have a [name of team sport] game then this one has you covered. Seriously. They're all the same.
Our verdict: Alright if you like this kind of thing.

Ninja Gaiden Like River City Ransom but hard.
Our verdict: Try if you like BDSM.

Pro Wrestling If this is Pro we'd hate to see the amateurs.
Our verdict: Ring out!

River City Ransom Like Double Dragon but worse
Our verdict: Push off a conveyor belt to the void.

Soccer Like all sports games if you don't have a [name of team sport] game then this one has you covered. Seriously. They're all the same.
Our verdict: Alright if you like this kind of thing which is definitely Soccer.

Solomon's Key What is this game about? Make blocks to touch the bell and liberate fairies? Nuts.
Our verdict: Who knows?

Super Dodge Ball We thought dodge ball is what you play when the weather's too shit to play a proper sport and all you have is a ball. Let alone an actual game. With actual rules. And an arena. And a video game version.
Our verdict: No. Just no.

Super Mario Bros. Yes, you may have played the original on the NES and again with Super Mario All-Stars and Super Mario Bros. Deluxe and the virtual console releases and the Wii Super Mario All-Stars re-release. And Super Luigi Bros. on the Wii-U. You may have even remade and remixed it on Super Mario Maker on more than one platform. But it's fucking Super Mario Bros. It's like pizza or Marmite. Everyone loves it.
Our verdict: Get down on one knee for this one.

Super Mario Bros. 3. Do us a favour before even trying to pretend you have an edgy opinion about how it isn't that good. Get or buy a friend. Give them the second Joy-Con and play Super Mario Bros. 3 together. If you don't enjoy yourself just end it. End it now.
Our verdict: Worth committing bigamy* with a friend for.

Tecmo Bowl What is this? Is this some kind of war thing? Not into it.
Our verdict: Off the fucking cliff.

Tennis Like all sports games if you don't have a [name of team sport] game then this one has you covered. Seriously. They're all the same.
Our verdict: Alright if you like this kind of thing.

TwinBee Like Gradius but upways
Our verdict: Okay, what both this platform and Sega Mega Drive Classics need are some decent fucking documentation. Here's what the user guide says for every. single. game:

Not exactly helpful is it? What's strange about this shoddy aspect is that the Virtual Console on the Wii-U had whole manuals viewable from within a menu.

Wario's Woods Worth a try but not for everyone. Think Tetris lacks platforming? This may be for you.
Our verdict: Go for coffee and see how you feel.

Yoshi Crack with Bloopers.
Our verdict: Marry but with constant shagging.

So there we have it, all rated and up-to-date as of this blog going live. Any way you look at it, it is something special to have a museum of NES games at your fingertips with some upgraded with online play should you be inclined. With Tecmo, Konami, Capcom, HAL and KOEI games already on the system there're stacks of potential titles making their way to a Switch near you. 

*How Mario describes himself when he has eaten a Super Mushroom.

I suppose we should talk about RE2 Remake

January 16, 2019, 7:50 am

≫ Next: Starlink: Tourist Around Atlas

≪ Previous: Nintendo Switch Online NES Games: Shag, Marry or Push off a Cliff

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So we took the plunge and kicked off the 30 min demo, below You can see all my procrastinating glory as you see me achieve absolutely fuck all. Watch me wander, watch me shoot random set bits, watch me get shit scared by zombies, good times. Like this is genuinely me playing! I played then I uploaded to youtube, crazy!

As nice as it is to live in  a world where a) a resident evil 2 remake exists, b) you can screen/video grab with relative ease. I was left pondering as to who is this game meant for?

====Warning uninformed pseudo psychological opinions====

The original Resident Evils began their lives on the PS1, in the heady days of the mid 90's of dial up internet, and no  where we had films like Trainspotting, Pulp fiction, and Groundhog day, and our soundtracks were dominated by Brit-"pop" titans of Oasis, Blur and Pulp and landmark albums of Fat of the Land by Prodigy. The survival horror genre was being born, we finally had a platform which transcended out of the 2D pixelizations and could create an immersive scary world. Not to say 2D platformers were void of this and the metroidvainia games can attest to this, but with tech to now able to have 3d/1st person, this gave it another dimension (HA!). At this time thatguys were in our formative years, now't but wee angsty teenagers, setting out their paths in life. Each generation in these formative years has to reach out to stimulus of art/media and fantasy to begin to deal with pretty much... Death and Mortality. And what better to come to terms with this are thoughts of the apocalypse, and the 90s LOVED Dystopian shit! most of it was heavily influenced by the generation before us and their love of Blade Runner, and laterally, Akira spawning a big love for Cyberpunk and influencing such marvels as Syndicate wars, Deus Ex, Chrono Trigger, Fallout and Final Fantasy VII. But not forgetting the Resident Evil series, though not Cyberpunky, the apocalyptic overtones and Japanese take on American culture are forged in the same fires. So I asked myself given how ingrained RE2 is on my psyche and how it mush have similarly affected my peers and the generational consciousness, who is this remake for, is it for us dweeby man-boy 40 year olds? Or is it to enrich another generation of gamers? Or secret answer number 3 it's for Capcom to make monies from?

Love and are you sure you know what Dystpoian means right?

Richie X

Starlink: Tourist Around Atlas

January 18, 2019, 1:00 am

≫ Next: That Guys a Maniac The game 3: Origins

≪ Previous: I suppose we should talk about RE2 Remake

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We treated ourself to Starlink: Battle for Atlas, Ubisoft's buildable ship toys-to-life game over Christmas seeing as the starter pack and accessories were criminally discounted and we love a good space flight ship game (we're somewhat in a renaissance after years of nothing!) & didn't have enough single title use plastic crap.

I'm loving the game, so much that I'm savouring it rather than smashing through to hit the credits but in lieu of a longer post on it here's some postcards from Atlas taken using the excellent photo mode, added as a bonus free update over Christmas! Photo mode comes with a range of tools and filters and we've spent shockingly long snapping away.

SHIPS
We're playing it on Switch, so obviously Arwing is best but we're a little bit in love with Pulse, the saucy little red number piloted by ex-racing driver Chase. It's true that red ones go faster.

This one we call 'BLUE'. It hangs above our sex bed in our 80's American Psycho flat.

A tiny and pointless detail we love is you can open up and close the 'flaps' on the Arwing model. To maximise swooshiness.

#EveryFilterGoing

New trend alert! New trend alert! It's called Dagobahing and all the kids are doing it.

FAUNA
Although not exactly bursting with life, Atlas has a motley crew of animals on each planet. There's normally a birdy one, a dragony one and a stompy one.

This night goggles vision filter comes with a satisfying ping noise. Devil is in the detail.

We had to try really hard not to 'Gameboy' filter every goddam image.

This filter we've dubbed Psygnosis cover generator

Yes, your mother is in this game too.

ENVIRONMENT
So far, there's not a snow or lava planet in sight and a nice little incidental detail, which this game seems packed with, is a thermometer on the HUD that betrays the fact that the bright orange dry planet is actually chilly and that lakes of water are hyper-frozen gas lakes.

LV-426 #1

LV-426 #2

Classic space xeno globs on the fart planet

Expect a longer look and thoughts down the line but in the meantime enjoy the GOLDEN AGE OF SPACE 'EM UPS again because Starlink is in the pipe and five by five so far.

That Guys a Maniac The game 3: Origins

January 19, 2019, 6:56 am

≫ Next: Acid Rounds: Into the Breach (Switch)

≪ Previous: Starlink: Tourist Around Atlas

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Hi guys,

We would like to introduce Episode 3 of That guys the game! Origins.

The first of our iconic Septilogy, TGAM The Game 3: Origins takes us back to the humble beginings of thatguys.co.uk, how the winds of fate brought our intrepid heroes together! Currently hosted on itch.io here:

 https://acanawupas.itch.io/thatguys3

In TGAMTGE3:O you will meet our in game alter egos Richie and Cunzy:

 Richie

 

Cunzy

You get to follow us through our plight, through a variety of locations, most of them pubs, laugh at our own jokes, and reference blog posts no one has read, and if they did it was about 10 years ago.

Basically its a linear visual novel with a couple of surprises in it. Enjoy, or dont. But let me say this now, gamification of a gaming blog is 100% our meta idea and we'll sue the pants off Kotaku any other gaming when they get round to it.

Love and Anime girls will rule the world,

Richie X

Acid Rounds: Into the Breach (Switch)

January 20, 2019, 2:00 am

≫ Next: EXCLUSIVE: Bungie post Activision Rumours

≪ Previous: That Guys a Maniac The game 3: Origins

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Acid rounds is a semi regular, irregular spot on TGAM for games we have beasted from start to finish.

Richie: I heard that Into the Breach is a game by indie cunts for indie cunts, why are you an indie cunt?

Cunzy11: Okay, so yes. In some circles. It's one of those indie darling games. Particularly amongst those bearded, shoes and no socks PC boyos. I'd managed to miss all the hype completely and against all the odds spotted it on the eShop on sale and thought it looked cool. Imagine my surprise to see it on every fedorad arm-tat hipster's game of the year lists. And quite fucking rightly too.
I liked it well after it was famous.

Richie: So its a hipster strategy game? X-Com: Avocado edition?

Cunzy11: *clears throat* it's a retro styled, tile-based, time travelling, rogue-like, dungeon runner with mechs, tanks and kaijus. Yes. Yes it's X-Com: Avocado edition. 

Richie: Right so you beasted this on the Switch, What made it tear you away from real games like Smash Bros?

Cunzy11: Sometimes you want a game to stroke your chin about and really put your mind to, you can see the bug's attacks for next turn so it's working out how to use the limited moves available to you and possibly shove, punch and shuffle enemies around so they damage each other. It's itching the Dragon Quest Wars scratch we never really got over. There's one redo button per battle and limited chances to upgrade pilots and weapons. If the bugs win by destroying enough cities, you get to send one pilot (and their experience) back in time to try again. The Switch version is better than the PC version by a country mile because this game is perfect for playing on the go and making progress in short sharp bursts. Considering how much of it is procedural and available upgrade rolls are chance-based, it's amazing that you never feel cheated on a loss. It always feels like your fault for fucking up or going for greed rather than safety.

I cried when this happened as we'd been through multiple timelines together.

Richie: What do you wanna see in a sequel?

Cunzy11: I'm not 100% sure it needs any kind of sequel, expansion or dlc. Achievements and unlocks will take you long enough then there's the challenge of random squad and custom squad and well, I've actually been playing this just for fun beyond hitting the credits. The one thing I'd really love is Into the Breach figurines because some of the mechs are hella cute. 

Richie: I hurd you liek Mudkipz?

Cunzy11: Hmmm overall 7th worst starter and 3rd worst water starter tbh.

Richie: What are the controls?

Cunzy11: The controls are punch, burn, blind, throw, push, grapple and electrocute giant bugs, protect what's left of humanity and send the buggers packing or reset the timeline. Seriously though, Subset games have done no small bit of magic squeezing all the info into a small and clean UI. Occasionally, a brain fart will cause you to make a misstep but otherwise it works.   

Richie: On a scale of 1 to 802, 1 being Bulbasaur and 807 being Zeraora what would you rate this game?

Cunzy11: It's a Golurk, Octillery and Porygon vs. Heracross, Scyther and Yanmega out of 10 for me. 

EXCLUSIVE: Bungie post Activision Rumours

January 22, 2019, 1:00 am

≫ Next: Omastar Comics #39

≪ Previous: Acid Rounds: Into the Breach (Switch)

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Gamers in their droves pretended that they might stop love/complaining about shoot astronaut simulator Destiny 2: Destiny; Final Destination: The Game when it was announced last week that developer Bungie had managed to break the orbit of publisher Activision. Gamers rooting for the underdog slightly smaller multimillion pound company took to the streets to celebrate but what does this mean for future Bungie titles and the 'ten year' franchise that is love-crack Destiny 2? Was Activision in any way stifling creativity? Does anyone remember Halo Wars? Will Master Chief make it into Smash? Has anyone, anywhere asked about a new Marathon this Century?

Fortunately, our industry insider has the latest. Here's Alcamoth Citizen reporting live from Bionis with the scoop:

Can you believe that? I don't think anyone anticipated that. Thanks Alcamoth Citizen, now we're back to the studio with Ravelle Velvet for Waxing Tips with Ravelle Velvet.

Omastar Comics #39

January 24, 2019, 1:00 am

≫ Next: Soulcalibur VI: The art of character creation

≪ Previous: EXCLUSIVE: Bungie post Activision Rumours

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New Wave Feminism or Nu-Metal Feminism? Your favourite shellder liquidising Pokémon has thoughts.

Of course, when put like that we feel silly for being so polarised about it! Fascinating.

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Soulcalibur VI: The art of character creation

January 25, 2019, 1:54 am

≫ Next: Acid Rounds: Tales of Vesperia (Xbox 360)

≪ Previous: Omastar Comics #39

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How spiffy

When one discusses the more recent entries in the soulcalibur series, one cannot skip over the aesthetic that has become the foundation at the core of this series' progression. The fundamentals of the personae are divided between the character models and the weapon styles. The weapon styles themselves could arguably be considered the actual protagonists in the soulcalibur enterprise, whereby it is irrelevant on your character choice, as through the medium of the character creator all styles may be applied to any moving portraiture. That being said that the mainstays of the series are so iconic and Namco are aware of this, so much so that they remain immediately selectable as pillars of the games.  

However it is within the character creator that the sheer breadth of the title, and the archetypal aesthetic becomes so apparent. Interacting with the character creator acquaints and exposes the user to the underbelly of the fabrication and production of the aforementioned aesthetic. This indoctrinates the trademark soulcalibur designs upon you and imparts to you, without technical intimidation, god like fabricative powers and produces weapon welding facsimiles with a character all of their own. This process of character creation, as previously mentioned does not threaten you with codes, wirefames or horrible polygonal planes, nor does it engulf you with a glut of slide bars, it presents to you a the adequate path to create individual humans (or otherwise).  But that is not where it ends, the arguably more comprehensive designs come from "dressing up" said characters.

The design aspect of the clothing, armour outer (and under) garments and an abundance of accessories is presented to you in layers, pun intended. Beyond the usual options of chest armour gauntlets and helmets, there is such attention to detail that you can mix and match under and over armour, culminating in an almost limitless number of combinations. But yet the creator goes deeper! Once you have your chosen garments and adornments, each element in each specific costume item can be colourised form the sheet of metal on an leather under armour to a bead on an earring. This allows you to create a theme or motif to run through your character. And I feel I must interject on myself and reaffirm the term "character creator" the time spent when you are creating this character feels like "play", but the sheer beauty of it is the development of your character from choosing what gender it will be to, by at this point, asking yourself "what shade of green should the socks be?" and ergo creating character in a a character creator. Digression aside, this is also not the final layer of the creator, not only are you able to customise the colours details and edging of armour, but you can develop and create variable layers patterns to each of these colours. The green sock you have so painstakingly developed the correct shade for, can also be patterned with stripes, or mottled with a mosaic.

Combining and "playing" with these apparatuses develop not only an aesthetic and character true to  the Soulcalibur universe, but an artistic outlet. Developing a theme from an early onset, taking inspiration from a painting or an artistic movement can have you creating a character who's composition can evoke and channel Monet's water lilies or recall the elegant natural forms seen with in Art Nouveau.

I urge all of you to revel in, what may seem like a tacked on addition to a game, and just get lost in creative creation. Please take the time to enjoy one of my most prized creations:

Love and One long dick joke,

Richie X

Acid Rounds: Tales of Vesperia (Xbox 360)

January 27, 2019, 2:00 am

≫ Next: Still Doing the Dailies

≪ Previous: Soulcalibur VI: The art of character creation

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Acid rounds is a semi regular, irregular spot on TGAM for games we have beasted from start to finish.

Cunzy1 1: Oh no,never heard of this, is this one of your little girl games again? How old are the protagonists?
Richie: Whit I talked about this 10 years ago, do you ever pay attention to me?!!? 

http://www.thatguys.co.uk/2009/08/namco-bandi-might-be-new-capcom.html

Also No! What! Um, no the characters and ages are:

 Yuri Lowell - 21

Estellise Sidos Heurassein (Estelle) - 18

Flynn Scifo - 21

Repede - 4

Karol Capel - 12

Rita Mordio - 15

Raven - 35

Judith - 19

This puts everyone's average age (including the dog) at a legal over 18, That being said my favourite character is Rita *Distant sirens*. Rita is the mage of the group excelling in battle by keeping to the back, throwing damage dealing fireballs and AoE spells the other characters tend to get a bit more in your face and melee-ish I found the game more fun to leave the AI to do that and I can fuck-shit-up from the back. My other "main" in this game was Estelle, the pink haired princess, a weird mix of Melee and healing!

Cunzy1 1: Confession time! I've never really been into little girl games, so I've been assuming that all the Tales Of... games are part of a massive franchise I've never interacted with. Is this part of a franchise and it it in anyway related to Tales of Symphonia, Tales of the Rays etc. or is it just generic titling?
Richie: Yes and no, there is an aesthetic that runs through these, "Tales of" games. Characters are generally unmistakable as "Tales of" but there has only been a few true sequels in the series. To be honest there are occasional callbacks, like in Verperia there was an Arena which brought a couple of old chars into the fray for a battle, which was more of a nod than anything.They tend to be their own entities.

Cunzy1 1: When did it come out, what's the genre, platform you played it on and basic premise?
Richie: 
Boom - 10 years ago, 
Boom - JRPG, (with no turnbased fighting!) 
Boom - Xbox 360
Boom - Bunch of misfits with talents try to save the world.

Cunzy1 1: You beasted this bad boy! How long did it take and would you ever replay it?
Richie: Like 100 hours for all the side quests and stuff, NOT including the New Game + stuff. I would love to replay it, fresh eyes and new perspective, but the sad truth is I have other Tales of games to play... Fuck you Steam library...

Cunzy1 1: Sell this game to me. Why'd you like it? How did it sell?
Richie: Right, imagine an Anime series, that has a 40 hour episide, that you can dip in and out of and expand on the character and flavours increasing the length of that episode. 

Like Bandersnatch but with more bouncy anime boobs.

Cunzy1 1: If you had to break it down what would you say, Tales of Vesperia: Come for the XXXX stay for the XXXX?
Richie: Oooft... Come for the epic JRPG journey, stay for the characters and their plight and the bonds you have made with them, stay extra long and delve into the battle mechanics.

Cunzy1 1: The 360 was ageeees ago. Surely this has been sequelised, remastered and released on mobile right? Does it hold up today?
Richie:Yeah I mean it like JUST came out again for pretty much all platforms, this time as an extended edition with loads of other stuff in it (see linky above from 2009) including (you will be happy to hear) a 14 year old girl Patty Fleur. 
That being said Yuri, Estelle and Flynn have all appeared in the best games on the 3DS Project X Zone and Project X Zone 2. And I think there was some awful super monitization mobile titles: Tales of Microtransactions or something that featured some of the Versperians.

Love and Judith #bestwaifu,

Richie X

Still Doing the Dailies

January 28, 2019, 1:00 am

≫ Next: Sender: Lab.Manager@NEST

≪ Previous: Acid Rounds: Tales of Vesperia (Xbox 360)

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We're still doing the dailies but how have they changed in the last eleven years?

Pokémon quested, rumbled, shuffled, dueled, 'GO'd' and picrossed. Pokédex challenged. Streets (ever so rarely now) passed. Amiibos tapped (x3), gem apples harvested, wandering adventures summoned (x2). Islanders fed, watered and subdued. Quests assigned. Salmon runsed. Shops shopped. Spirits boarded. Mystery gifts still collected.

Dailies. Dailies never changes.

Sender: Lab.Manager@NEST

January 29, 2019, 1:00 am

≫ Next: Resident Evil 2: Malocclusion

≪ Previous: Still Doing the Dailies

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Sender: Lab.Manager@NEST
Subject: The Hub Is Not A Trash Can

Dear All NEST staff

This is a polite reminder to all NEST staff that, despite appearances, the yawning abyss in the Hub is not actually bottomless. I shouldn't have to remind you that key security and safety equipment is down there as well as the emergency evacuation exit. Janitorial staff have found countless cigarette butts, disposable coffee cups and other general detritus down there. Please use the trash cans provided in shared work areas.

Sender: Lab.Manager@NEST
Subject: Nap Room Changes

Dear All NEST staff

Due to a string of complaints about inappropriate behaviour the nap room will be single sex use only as of next week. You can find the nap room rota on the shared drive. There is a spare bed in the security office should you wish to nap when it isn't your sex's 'turn'. This is also a good time to remind staff that the nap room pods are single occupancy online.

Sender: Lab.Manager@NEST
Subject: Biofilm

Dear All NEST staff

As many of you know, Dr Li has raised concerns about the biofilm coating many of the surfaces in the hub. The water flow and temperature down here appears to be creating an ideal environment for this 'film'. At the moment it's probably perfectly safe, it's a natural film not something we've cooked up! But please refrain from touching natural rock surfaces in and around the hub until we've identified it. It's also making the walkways somewhat slippy so please take care when cutting across the hub.

Sender: Lab.Manager@NEST
Subject: TGI FRIDAYS & Cleaning

Dear All NEST staff

Following the tragic incident with Dr. Surama last week, Jack's Bar back up at street level has been booked for TGI FRIDAYS. Active immediately, no alcohol is to be consumed in either the East or West Area. Please make sure you take care when crossing the hub. We're investigating temporary guard rails and raised hand rails in response. This weekend the janitorial team will be deep cleaning the hub to remove the biofilm on walkways. All staff are encouraged not to come in during the clean.

Sender: Lab.Manager@NEST
Subject: Reminder About Work Hours

Dear All NEST staff

At Senior Management Team this week we discussed timekeeping and tardiness again. The 8.30 cable car will no longer be held waiting for staff running late as we've had delays of up to half an hour holding up everyone's day. If you are not at the cable car at 8.30 you will be expected to make up the extra time after the 10am cable car gets you to the NEST.

Sender: Lab.Manager@NEST
Subject: Use of Lab Fridges

Dear All NEST staff

Any member of staff found storing their lunch in lab fridges/freezers will be suspended immediately without pay. As most of you will know, the Plant 43 team have been set back months thanks to the specimen hybridising with spinach. Staff are reminded that eating is strictly prohibited in lab areas and that there is limited space in the cafeteria for staff to store their own food and drink items. For God's sake people this is not the Arklay facility and I'll be damned if that happens to us here.

Resident Evil 2: Malocclusion

January 30, 2019, 1:31 am

≫ Next: TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 40

≪ Previous: Sender: Lab.Manager@NEST

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Breaking News: Capcom confirm Resident Evil 2 and Devil May Cry 5 are set in the same universe, Claire and Nico share the same genetic trait of increased vertical overlapping of the mandibular anterior (lower front) teeth by the maxillary anterior (upper front) teeth, usually measured perpendicular to the occlusal plane.

Nicoletta Goldstein from Devil May Cry 5

Claire Redfield from Resident Evil 2 (2019)

In other breaking news: World's Second Greatest Video Game Blog- That Guy's A Maniac have found that two games from video game developer and publisher Capcom contain characters with a prominent overbite, but struggle to find some kind of joke to tie the two together. thatguys.co.uk have reportedly brainstormed ideas such as "What would these two look like in The Simpsons" and attempting to work around the phrase "biting off more than you can chew". thatguys.co.uk have apparently opted for a relatively unfunny shared universe link, with a medical/technical explanation of what an overbite is. Keep up the good work guys.

Additionally: An obscure UK based video games blog has been involved in the the first case of "Virtual Bodyshaming", being sued by the amalgam of Capcoms character design, modelling and animation team. The as-yet-unamed UK blog have released the statement that. "This is crazy, we love virtual bodies, if anything we maybe love them a bit to much... physically... repeatedly... till only air comes out".

More on these stories as we receive more information. Now over to the weather...

Love and did you know that there is not an actual Latin name for an overbite?

Richie X